To My Subscribers

Last week I shared with you a frightening story. I lost my vision while driving. I was fortunate to have been able to pull into a parking lot, and even more fortunate to have a car that could stop itself.

There is nothing new wrong with me, only what I already know, POTS. But, that means there is no darker mystery to solve. No treatment to undo this. Only the ordinary remedies: salt, compression, electrolytes, tea. It means, rest.

Everyone suggests when you are sick to rest, but in our society, how can we? Rest is the simplest medicine and the hardest to allow in a world that demands we keep moving. But I must, and so I will.

When I ignore my body, it reminds me in no uncertain terms. Dizzy spells, low fevers, aching limbs, a mind wrapped in fog. A nap is the closest thing to healing I know, and with four children and work, I can only find that time by borrowing from the hours meant for writing. I’ve found that if I give myself rest before the afternoon begins, before the drive to pick them up from school, the classes, the homework, the dinner, and the endless ordinary life, then I can move through it more safely.

That is why I am turning off paid subscriptions. The truth is that what would harm the life of my children more deeply than less money is if it were unsafe for me to drive them to all that is their lives.

I am still writing, slowly. You will receive as many posts as I am able to give, and for now all of them will be free.

Some of you have told me you’d support me no matter what, and you make me feel loved.

But I haven’t been keeping up. Others expect steady work for what they pay. Not every message I’ve received lately has been kind. One even accused me of scamming for offering subscriptions without publishing enough in return, or only posting repeats. I do not want to invite that bitterness into this space. It hurts me.

For those who still wish to support me, I will include payment links at the end of my posts: https://linktr.ee/letsnotdate If you prefer a monthly plan, you can do so here: https://buymeacoffee.com/letsnotdate

Turning off subscriptions takes me out of the Substack charts, but it does not take me off the path toward my dreams. Perhaps I am not meant to arrive as quickly as I hoped. But I will arrive safely.

When the time comes to turn subscriptions back on, nothing you’ve given will be lost. If you had months remaining on a yearly plan, those months will still be waiting for you. If you were on monthly, you will begin again where you left off.

I have been searching my mind for answers, wondering if there is a path that was left for me. Yesterday, when Facebook restored monetization for me, if only on my smaller Facebook page, Brooke from Let’s Not Date, it felt like a sign. On Facebook I can share my old words and posts again, and still be paid without receiving angry messages. If you are on Facebook, please follow me there, and on Instagram too, where I am also monetized.

Please don’t comment, “I wish I could nap too.” You don’t. Rest is not a luxury for me; it is the cost of being able to go on. It takes just as much time from my life as it would from yours.

I may turn paid subscriptions back on when my book is published. I may turn them back on if my health shifts and I feel better. None of the future is clear to me, except that my vision must be. And for that, I must pause myself and my Substack dreams.