Horny History: Medieval Beauty Standards
It’s real history, as told by some horny dude in my inbox and me.
Blonde hair, very pale white skin, a long neck, high forehead, thin eyebrows with a space between them, small breasts, a large belly but a small waist, red lips, a non-hairy body, wealth
Being stereotypically beautiful in medieval Europe would have granted women a better life in a time when the main options for a single woman were domestic servitude and prostitution. Men certainly thought that was the only reason a woman would try to be beautiful, to seduce a man. Given that some of the beauty standards I’m going to share were done in a way men mocked, it seems safe to speculate that many women then too strove for beauty for themselves, to make themselves happier, regardless of what men wanted.
This story will be part of a series on beauty standards throughout different areas of the world. To combine them all into one, with each culture having such different ideas, wouldn’t do justice to the uniqueness of what our minds perceive as beautiful and culture’s role in that.
I’m starting with beauty standards in Western Europe from the medieval period, 400 CE - 1500 CE, although a few of the art pieces I showcase to the men are slightly after the start of the 16th century. Chinese beauty standards from about the same time period will be next. If you have suggestions for which area should be after that, leave them in the comments. I like to know what others are interested in.
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(As a reminder I do not know these men. They are messaging a satirical Facebook profile of me as a conservative.)
Right wing men it seems have very little interest in medieval beauty standards, and as a result this story features three men. Up first is a charming 70 year old man, just out there wondering why a 35 year old woman cannot be his wife.
He must have. No other reason a man would ignore my history.
I’m trying my best to lure in some younger men, but it’s the conservative grandpas who are in my inbox most. Here is another one to continue the story.
Will I ever find a right wing man who wants to talk about medieval beauty standards? I did manage to find a younger man willing to try.
It’s fascinating how a body thought of as so beautiful then can be reacted to with a “barf” now. In a joking way, I wish I had lived in a time when a belly and small breasts were beautiful. In a serious way, I never would have been beautiful with my social status, I would have been a peasant.
Something that bothers me about discussing history from the medieval period is it’s inevitably going to be very Eurocentric, even if you are searching for history within that time frame without specifying “medieval” or “middle age”. It’s far more difficult to find information on the rest of the world than the area covered by the medieval history of Western Europe. Especially heavily written about is what is now Italy, Germany, France, Britain, and Spain. I was reading an article that referenced only 2% of books on the Middle Ages mentioned in a scholarly journal were about areas other than Western Europe.
In part, it would be applying our own terms to their culture. China also has a period they refer to as medieval, but it’s not the same time frame. Still, throw the terms out, and there’s far less history written on the rest of the world for English speakers to read. It’s boring. I want to be intersectional in my stories, and I will be, but it’s going to be much more of a challenge to find as many sources on other areas.
Beauty standards tell us a lot about a culture, but they don’t define anyone’s worth. Remember, beauty is in the eyes of the beeholder.
Sources:
Singlewomen in the European Past, 1250-1800 Judith Bennett
The Art of the Versemaker Matthew of Vendome
The Once and Future Sex: Going Medieval on Women’s Roles in Society Eleanor Janega
The Ideal of Feminine Beauty in Medieval Literature D. S. Brewer
Art and Beauty in the Middle Ages Umberto Eco
The Praise of Folly Erasmus
The Trotula (Book on the Conditions of Women)
The Miller’s Tale Chaucer
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Barf, lmao. These dudes have gotten way less creative in their responses and quests for nudes. Yours are still gold though. 🤣🫶
As a 68 year old guy, I am both horrified and mystified about my "peers". I Enjoy your content!